And the provisions continue…

Had one of those moments this morning…

At the moment, I was simply checking email, and the next moment, I had a thought that just interrupted me.  Suddenly, I was acutely aware that my body was tired.  Bone tired.  And before I could think to give myself a little “pull yourself together” comment, I decided to join up with my tiredness.

And in the tiredness, my soul connected with our youngest daughter.  She’s a girl who likes to ease into the morning.  She moves at a little different pace than the rest of us Conrads.  Her nature it not to be in a hurry.  She looks at life through a different lens.  Her imagination knows no bounds.

And I “felt” her.  And suddenly, I had only one mission – to join her.  And so I pushed away from the morning tasks, and I walked upstairs.  Her door was open, and sure enough, she was cuddling with her blanket and favorite stuffed animal of the moment.  And there was room next to her.  And with all the smooth-ness, and grace I can handle, I slid in right next to her, wrapped my arm around her warmness, and breathed in her sweet smell.

And it was heaven.

It was peaceful.  It was right.  At that moment, there was nothing else more important to do, or someplace important to be.  And I lingered just a moment more.  And I soaked it in.  I whispered in her ear, and we ushered in the day.

And I wonder.  Is this how my Heavenly Father longs to greet me in the moment?  Does he stare lovingly into the sleeping thoughts of his children?  Does he pause just a moment and look lovingly on his marvelous creation?  Does he linger just a moment in those sweet moments before our slumber is broken?

And I wonder if we can ever grasp this concept.  I love that knows no bounds.  And then I step into the next moments of the day, and I sense that love.

The girls and I share breakfast and talk about the cereal boxes.  The girls and I share some Jesus time, and Emma recites her Rock City kids verse and I asked her if she looked at it to remember and she says,

No Mom.  It’s like I have a little pocket right here in my mind (points to her temple) and when I need to get it, I just pull it out of my pocket.

And I stare in awe.  Such a gift.   And moments later, I stare across the table of a favorite local brunch restaurant into the sparkly eyes of my 9-month-old niece, and I listen to the easy conversation my sister and I share over oatmeal and fruit.  And I marvel at the way we can be soul-deep honest with one another while at the same time laugh over the silly “movie lines” of life.

And on the way out the door, the Lord asks me to give.  To pause in my moment of “next”, and reach into a bank account that is not “mine”, and give out of His storehouse, even though my mind tells me there’s not much in there to give.  And I obey.  And joy abounds.

And on my way to the “next”, I receive a phone call from my Mom.  And I take another detour to see my Dad, and God connects me with a manager that asks about provisions for a community Bible Study next week, but on my way there, I call my other sister, and in those few moments, we share words that run deep with love.

And then I meet my husband.  Of all the places we meet, we connect at the grocery store.  I teasingly mentioned on facebook that it was an afternoon of “training”.  You see, for a while now, I’ve taken on the role of this task.  But we’re heading into a different season next, and the baton is being passed, tasks are being reshuffled, and my favorite part takes place – we grow closer and more connected as a team.

And then God provides an interview.  This time, for my husband.  And we will take the next step.  And we will talk, honestly.  And we will look at our hands, and we will choose to continue to unclench them, palms up, because what we desire is not square-footage, large vacations, or additions to our wardrobes, but what we desire, what we choose, is more of Him.

In order to choose more of Him, we choose less of us.  We release our need to know, our instinct to jump in and control, and our sense of entitlement as to what we “deserve”.  Though we can’t answer all our questions, we choose to trust.  We trust because the Word tells us.  We trust, not because it’s easy, but because it’s hard, and through our hard, He’s given us marker after marker of His faithfulness.  And His timing is perfect.  Every time.  And His peace and His joy reign in these walls, despite our circumstances, and His Word rings true.

Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him

To be continued…